In this lull between perhaps the most successful slate of the Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to Christmas films ever and the Jane Austen-drenched debut of Hallmark’s Loveuary 2024, it’s time to admit that Hallmark movies are actually just Hollywood movies — and specifically rom-coms. Straight couples dance, in well-lit venues, to the music of real instruments. Wrenching decisions are suffered through. Misunderstandings abound. Soulful kisses are for denouements. Happy endings feel required by law. Call it vapid if you will, but the culture of the Hallmark universe has been around since the 16th century, when a shrew apparently needed to be tamed.
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