Lars Ulrich is the Derek Jeter of drummers. I take no joy in reporting this; I say this with great affection. No, wait, sorry, that’s not true: I take great joy in reporting this. Sorry. Let’s establish up front that making fun of Metallica is fun. It’s fun if you hate them, or if you are indifferent to them. But it’s extra fun if you love them, if you worship them, if they constitute your whole lifestyle. That way, you can take the greatest possible joy in making fun of them with the greatest possible affection.
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